For my Caroline

Dear Caroline

You don't know me. I am your grandmother. I am your dad's mother. I held you once when your dad and mom returned to Campbell River shortly after you were born. You were so precious to me in a way none of my other grandchildren are because your dad being here is a miracle. So you are just as much of a miracle to me.

Your dad was born very early, at 30 weeks. He was only 3 pounds 1 ounce when he was born. He had a twin  brother who was not born alive. I tried very hard to make sure my babies stayed inside me for as long as possible so I had to stay in the hospital, far away from home. This was very hard for both me and your grandfather Jim but we did it. Parents will do anything for their children.

I consider the ten weeks I spent in hospital as a very special time for me and your dad. I would rub my stomach and talk to him and tell him to hang in there. I wanted to be a mother to your dad very much. He is my first born son. He looks like me. He is artistic like me.  We usually laugh at the same things.

I cannot see you now. This is not my choice but your dad is doing what he thinks is best for you. I think it is very complicated and I do not understand it. But I will always love you and your dad. You do not have to be together or see each other to care about each other. Family ties are very strong. You are a part of me. You are a part of your dad . You are my future.

You are the greatest gift my heart will ever know,  no matter how far, or for how long.

Remember me, remember you have another grandmother who holds half of your heritage in her memories and experiences. You are the result of thousands of people who loved each other.

I will write to you from time to time. These letters will be my visits with you.  I hope one day you find them.

Caroline, you are a miracle.  Since the beginning of the world there has never been and until the end of the world there will never be another child like you. I am proud to  be your grandmother.

If you want to know how much I love you count all the waves in the sea.

                            We may not have adventures together, but we can dream of them, can't we?

                                              Love from your other grandmother, Sian Thomson