Fashion for Fat "ish" Females over Forty.

I have always been fat "ish" and I have always been complimented on my fashion sense. So I think perhaps I have something to offer my fellow women who dare to be over a size 12, or like me, wavering between a size 16 and 18 ever since menopause hit.


I was in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police once, a life time ago. I ran five miles, did 200 sit ups, swam so hard I didn't know when I was inhaling or exhaling until I choked on chlorinated water. I was fit. I was still fat. I went into the 6 months training at Depot Division at 166 pounds, and 6 months later came out at exactly 166 pounds. I lost inches for sure, probably a yard or more to be honest, but the weight stayed on. 








I was in a troop of 31 women. All week we had to stash away the mascara, blush, eyeliner, lipstick, and appear as plain and unattractive as possible. We all wore the same thing, brown khakis, blue and white running shoes and a grey 'ish" uniform shirt buttoned up to your sternum. Oh and let's NOT forget the polyester clip-on tie.










But on weekends, we let loose. Off we would go to the nearest hotel Friday at 5 pm, get dolled up, let our hair down, and feel female again. And guess whose closet- I mean "chiffonier" (that's para-military speak) would be raided before the young constables went out on the town?


Mine! I was the chubbiest in the troop but it didn't stop even the skinny mini's from begging me for one of my upscale, in style eye catching, totally cool ensembles. 


Even after my stint in the RCMP ended and I went through a time when I was well let's just say, POOR, I had a knack for scanning thrift store racks and eyeballing every name brand piece of clothing that was squished into the other 90% of stuff my grandmother probably wouldn't even wear.


So now that I have established my credentials, here are a few simple tips.


Fashion for us is categorized by the four F's. And it is  not the F-word you say in the change room when you try on something a tad too small and you have to do an entire aerobic work-out to get the damned thing over your head and off again.


**** Fit **** Fabulous **** Feminine **** Flimsy ****


Fit


Of course you know that things have to fit to look good. No use trying to get into a size 14 when you are an 18 and no, finding an extra long top to wear over the muffin top of too-small pants you have pogo-sticked your way into is not going to work. And let's NOT mention the camel toe. Shall we?


Also, wearing things that are too big, the garments you buy when you are feeling really depressed about your body, but not the sad depressed, the mad-sarcastic- depressed where you decide to get even with the fat Gods and go buy a pair of granny panties that pull up to your boobs - that doesn't work either. 


Size is just a number (although men will not agree with that.) The better the fit the better you look and this is no where more important than with your brassiere.


Bra sizes usually consist of a number, indicating a band size around your torso and one or more letters indicating breast size cup.


Bra sizes vary widely from one manufacturer to another and even from country to country. As a result it can be  challenging to to find a properly fitting bra. Up to 80% of women wear the wrong size bra causing most to experience pain of one kind or another




For me, I experience claustrophobia and the first thing I do when I get home from work



is take the bra off. Sometimes I make it to the bedroom but usually my sons turn away



in  horror as it comes off in the kitchen followed by me leaning my boobs into the refrigerator



to cool off. Menopause. Gotta love it.




.One study found that the label size was consistently different from the measured size. Furthermore, the shape, size, symmetry, and spacing of women's breasts vary considerably, and can differ greatly from the standard off-the-shelf bra shapes and sizes, especially if the breasts have been augmented, reduced,  are tubular shaped, or if they sag.




Bigger women are more likely than smaller women to wear an incorrect bra size. We tend to buy smaller and the flat chesties tend to buy bigger. There is just no pleasing anybody. The most common mistake made by women when selecting a bra is to choose too large a back band and too small a cup, for instance a 38C instead of a 34E, or a 34B instead of a 30D....or in my case, lol, I can admit it, a 40 D instead of a 46DD. I am so competitive.

So here is my advice,  because a proper fitting bra can take off almost 20 pounds when the girls are lifted and and your torso is allowed to be free from the downward spiral of the mammary glands. Get a professional bra fitting from the lingerie department or better yet a specialty lingerie store. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. The ladies are usually the age of your mother and really don't care about seeing your boobs - think of them as a curmudgeonly drill sargent, or likely if its a lingerie shop it will be the owner who is more concerned with getting you fit properly because plus sized bras - the good ones- cost more than a tank of gas, and this is more profit for them.  There is nothing to Wonder about, there is no reason to cross your heart, or to find something you can wear for 18 hours......you get what you pay for and your breasts deserve that.









Fabulous




This is crucial to how you feel, how you look, how you sound when walking boldly across the office floor. It is absolutely amazing just the psychology of wearing a fabulous shoe. Not fabulous runners, not fabulous flats, they have to give you height, make your calf muscle rip, and match either your handbag or an accessory. (by the way, the hand bag has to be fabulous too).

As my mentor Clinton Kelly said:




 “Sometimes comfort doesn't matter. When a shoe is freakin' fabulous, it may be worth a subsequent day of misery. Soak in Epsom salts and take comfort in the fact that you're better than everyone else.” 















Flimsy

Nobody over 25 should wear anything thinner than your excuses for not dressing well. You will be cold. They look cheap and make you look cheap. They will reveal things best left between you and God. There is only one exception to the flimsy rule and that is bedroom wear. Unless of course you are married to my ex husband whose response to the hundred dollar hot pink chiffon baby doll pajamas was "what good is that? It's coming off anyways."









Feminine


Attention fat"ish" females.......sweat pants, oversized t-shirts, runners, yoga pants, lumberjack shirts, straight legged high waisted jeans and denim skirts DO NOT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!!!
And don't get all sensitive as if I am saying 'you're fat so you can't wear that." There are certain things the skinnies can't rock that we can.....(see the photos) so it all works out in the end. Remember you are a woman. Shania Twain said it best (but disregard the men's shirts and short skirts..ok?)


Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!